fuck, that was too much fun. (it's generally known that only minutes after any woman of a tender age busts her hymen, she's rearing to start working her freshly breached vag for all it's worth.)
so, i've always told people (who ask, like my mother) that i have no intention of ever getting married on account of it's a primary form of hetero-patriarchal-capitalist oppression that, in any case, doesn't work out for 70% of the people who try it (or so the divorce statistics tell me).
but the real reason is that i'm saving myself for stephen colbert. i would marry that man right now. this is why.